A story unsaid

A story unsaid
Meant tears on my pillow
As I sighed, with books on my bed

A song never sung
Holed my untamed heart
Bored cuts on my tongue

The story doesn’t need to be said
The song is not meant to be sung
The tears will soon dry
The books will remain
The heart, untamed, will learn its way
And I’ll choose silence.

--Numa

Just came home from a nice Thanksgiving break. A well-deserved break. Met lots of people, had lots of wine. Turkey time over. Must get back to life now. Its funny sometimes how even when you are surrounded by so many people, close friends, you still end up feeling a little bit lonely and lost. And when you come back to an empty house, it still feels like a nice welcome. But of course it would have been nicer if there was someone to welcome you back, ask you how the holiday was. I just realized, I cannot live alone.

On a different note, I hate fire alarms. Its especially scary when you are taking a bath - a nice long shower and soaking in the tub - relaxing after a nice long holiday - and the tap runs out of water - and the whole house starts ringing loudly, buzzing, honking,clanging... I don't know what the right word is. You can't even think. For full two minutes I did not know what to do. Or was it five? Felt like forever. Sometime after the two/five/infinite minutes I realized that I should probably get dressed up and step outside the house. Noone really had a clue if there was a fire, or if the fire truck was coming. Noone even knew how to shut the sound off. We were all standing outside the building, in the rain, with the dogs barking (there are some 4 dogs in the building, and all were pretty scared).
But it finally gave me an opportunity to meet the other people in the building. So there is a French girl and her brother on the floor below us. And another couple of guys below them. They have the irritating dogs who whine everytime we turn the key in the lock to enter. One of them is really really cute, and the other I think is gay, may be both are. By the way, most guys here are cute. And young. And I'm growing old.

I really don't know what else is there to write. The fire alarm story ended as abruptly as it began. The sounds stopped, we all returned to our apartments, and continued not knowing each other. Life here is pretty isolated, each one going about their business as of others don't exist. Not that I mind, but sometimes I miss the hustle bustle of a big city and nosepoker neighbours and everything that makes Mumbai, Mumbai. But for now, Providence it is!

Slipping through my fingers

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers...

Slipping through my fingers all the time

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(Lyrics - ABBA)

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

So no one told you life was going to be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, you're love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear,
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.

But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.

-------------------------------------------

DD year officially began yesterday. I have a final choice of ddp topics. I dont like the sound of the topics, but they'll do for now. Started on work yesterday.
More important, I finally downloaded first season of 'Friends'. Yes, four years of hostel life and I haven't watched a single episode of Friends yet. Kept it for the lukkha dd year.
And finally after a lot of procrastinations...Monika Gets a Roommate, DD life begins.

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A biiiiiiiiig bear-hug to all friends who are ever-ready to come dance with me in the rain, when I need them.

I dream...

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

Sweet desert rose
Whose shadow bears the secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume that would torture you more than this

-------------------------------------------------------
(Lyrics - Sting - Desert rose)

Aaja sanam madhur chandni mein hum
Tum mile to wirane mein bhi aa jayegi bahaar
Jhumne lagega aasman...
Jhumne lagega aasman

Kehta hai dil aur machalta hai dil
More saajan le chal mujhe taaron ke paar
Lagta nahin hai dil yahan...
Lagta nahin hai dil yahan

I try...

--

I want to say something
but there isn't anything to say,
I wish to hold your hand
but you're too far away,
I wish you could read my eyes,
I wish you could hear my call,
I wish you could could at least see
the hand that I've held out.
The words always fail me
and there's really nothing to say,
but the silence shall always speak
hope you'll hear it someday.

--

खूप बोलायचं असतं, पण शब्दच फुटत नाहीत
डोळ्यांतच वाचून घेतलं असतंस
पण ते तरी कसं शक्य आहे, झाकलेले हे डोळे कधीतरी उघडतील का?
मनात कोंडलेलं सारं, कधीतरी बाहेर पडू शकेल का?
हाथ पुढे केला तरी, तुझ्यापर्यंत पोचेल का?
एक हाक मरीन, आवाजावरून सारं ओळखशील का?

आणि जेंव्हा बोलायला काहीच नसेल
त्या नस्ण्यातलं असणं, तुला जाणवेल तरी का?

--

Nothing has changed?

The rains have come and gone. So has the winter. Summer time again. Yay!
New roads being dug up all over Bombay, oops... Mumbai.
New malls springing up in Vashi.
Vada pav now wants to be called shiv vada pav (huh?)
IPL ... Go Mumbai Indians!
Loads of treats. Friends passing out.
Senti time is also almost over. And Insti is already empty.
Things are moving too fast.

And yet, apparently, nothing has changed.
And if nothing has changed now, will it ever?

Green is the colour

Heavy hung the canopy of blue
Shade my eyes and I can see you
White is the light that shines through the dress that you wore
She lay in the shadow of the wave
Hazy were the visions of her playing
Sunlight on her eyes but moonshine beat her blind everytime
Green is the colour of her kind
Quickness of the eye deceives the mind
Envy is the bond between the hopeful and the damned

-----------------------------------------------------
(Pink Floyd)

Inverted

What's changed?
Absolutley nothing!
Yet everythings a different shade

Into the dark night,
changing colours of the sky,
the morning dew welcomes.

But i will stay,
in some way,
Always at the start.

---------------------------------------------------------
Valfy time senti! Will miss all you people... >:D<

Something unpredictable

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

(Green Day)

She...

Who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so crowded and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry

She
May be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
But I'll remember till the day I die

Me
I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is she
She
She

-----------------------------------
(Lyrics - Elvis Costello - She)

When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?

--------------------------
(Quoted from Sex and the City)

Queer indeed

Behold the mysterious celt,

with a property that amuses.

One way it will spin,

the other way it refuses.

(From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rattleback )

Lean mean fighting machine!

Don't try to understand me
I'm not a puzzle to be solved
I'm a person in my own right
just trying to evolve

I'm the little bird
who just wishes to fly
Thats all you need to know
Everything else is a lie.

To all the Pingu's of life...

Things change over time
People do too
Just because Pingu may not be the Pingu you remember
does not mean that he's dead for you.
If things became stagnant
and people did not change
Pingu would live forever
but you'd be dead.

(dedicated to all the Pingu's of life...)

Lights will guide you home

And I will try to fix you

Ruins

I ruined it.
And I knew I was ruining it, while I was ruining it.
I just kept on ruining it...

(-Eric, That 70's show)

बावरा मन

बावरे से इस जहाँ में बावरा एक साथ हो
इस सयानी भीड़ में बस हाथों में तेरा हाथ हो
बावरी सी धुन् हो कोई बावरा एक राग हो
बावरे से पैर चाहे, बावरे तरानो के, बावरे से बोल पे, थिरकना...

बावरा मन देखने चला एक सपना...

Chip 'n Dale

Clarification - For all those who stil claim my orkut pic is that of Chip, despite the name being clearly written below...

1. Noses: Chip has a black tiny nose, Dale's is red and a little bigger and rounder.
2. Teeth: Chip has a single tooth, Dale has two teeth.
3. Dale obviously looks dumber :P

So there! My claim to fame, I have a red round nose, two buck-teeth and I look dumb.

Take my breath away

Through the hourglass I saw you
In time you slipped away
When the mirror crashed I called you
And turned to hear you say
If only for today
I am unafraid
...
Take my breath away

(Take my breath away - Berlin - Top Gun soundtrack)

:(

(Isn't this the cutest thing ever? Its ok baccha, everything is all right.)

Have you ever heard of moneys who paint. Yes, the ones at IIT do just that. They go about from window to window on lazy Monday mornings looking for paint brushes. And paints. Not just any will do. They have to pass strict quality check. The good ones are selected by their smell apparently. They have to be smell the bunch and approve. Picky indeed. I woke up to find this huge monster sitting on my bedside window, and going about his brush selecting duties. And yes, also paints. The others were discarded outside the window in the garden. He wasn't silent and stealthy either. Nope, a huge fuss he has to make! Throw down other things, make a huge crash, wake you up from sleep, make faces at you, terrorise you, make hissy scratchy sounds... It's a warning - next time the camera will be gone. He leaves only when I fling the pillow at his face. No thank you, no goodbye... My entire brush collection - Gone! And also those paints. Except for only a few rejected discarded on the floor. :(( And the shocking part is, all the grub from home was left intact...

Snippets

The only thing that shatters dreams is compromise.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Soulmates we would never be. We were two boats met mid-ocean, each changing course to sail for a while in the same direction over an empty sea. Different boats on our way to different ports, and we knew it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part of us is always the observer, and no matter what, it observes. It watches us. It does not care if we are happy or unhappy, if we are sick or well, if we live or die. Its only job is to sit there on our shoulder and pass judgments on whether we are worthwhile human beings.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they’re necessary to reach the places we’ve chosen to go.
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(by Richard Bach in 'The Bridge Across Forever')

(Couldn't read the rest of the book... the whole essence is lost now, once they meet! Blah!)

The fun lies not so much in the achievement as in the pursuit. Once the pursuit is over, everything crumbles to bits and pieces...

Carry on ...

The days are perfect, fun, light, easy.
There's works... to keep you busy
And dear ones - friends and family, who love you so…
For their sake, you put up a brave front
Keep a smiling face... build a fort around you

The nights…
You are too tired
A day of pretending everything's alright
Too tired to think, you just fall to sleep...

The mornings...
When you just wake up.
Yes, the mornings are the most difficult
You wake up alone; no work, no friends
Practically nothing to distract you
Unbreakable silence...
Just you and your dreams...
Last remains of a lingering hope, you clutch on to it clumsily.

But sometimes...
It's just unbearable, you just can't stop
The haunting nightmares, they keep coming
And the emptiness…it surrounds you
There's nothing you can do... nothing absolutely, too weak to fight it
The overpowering sense of nothingness
The cold emptiness...
The bed is empty. The room is empty. Your life is empty

The missing; the yearning; the wishing
Whys and why nots...
They engulf you, And there's no end
You just let yourself cry
For once you are not lying,
or pretending...
You cry to yourself. You let go.

And then you get up,
Shrug it all off.
Get ready.
To face the world anew.

Sometimes, the pretences are necessary...

(Losing someone whom you love, who was so much a part of you life till yesterday...
This comes nowhere close to what the person actually has to go through.
I'm just trying to imagine what it might feel like.
Me, trying to place myself in a position, where today is just an illusion, and where there's no tomorrow, and yet you have to live through it.
I don't even want to know how it is...)

The little handkerchief

I have this little hanky with me, pretty and nice. May be if I had the time, or the opportunity, may be I'd have done something to it, embroidered a pretty yellow flower on it, or may be just some arbit designs. But no, it's not really mine. I hold it lightly, between the tip of my fingers... hands outstretched. I wouldn't keep things that don't belong to me... A little quake, a little shake, a little hesitation anywhere... And I'll let it go... completely. Fly away little thing... float away with the wind... back to your home, where you truly belong... or may be to some other stranger land afar ... float away where the wind takes you... it shall be your guide, or it might just mislead you... but go anyways... calmly, silently... just go...
sweet goodbye...

I just want you to know who I am...

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

(Lyrics - Iris - GGD)

(The X-Ray Art of Photographer Judith K McMillan)

"Flying Without Wings"

Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

(Lyrics - Flying without wings)

Sleepless

Gah! An overdose of chicken, fish, eggs, maggi, coffee.
A stupid journal.
Kens and balloons and omelettes.
Midnight mania.
All these nowhere but a sleepless night (or to be more specific - a sleepless morn)
The fact that I sleep for three hours before having to get up for class makes no difference. I keep getting up at intervals of 15 mins... interspaced by occurances of wierdmax dreams. Whatever happened to sleep!!! I'm an insomniac! Other than a balloon murderer.
Oh I also tried to m urder a cat in my dream. But then, it had tiger jaws, and was trying to rip off my hand for having entered the basement of an old ship. I had no option. The top was swaying too much... I had to get to the bottom of things... this is where the cat accosts me. Sigh. Somehow I managed to fool the cat into believing i'm its master and locked it into a drawer.
I took part in backward running races. Had long distance phone conversations from italy. Atleast I believe i was in Italy... medieval times i think.
Its all because of those KV school children and their annual day practices... and some old man going bonkers on the mike .............Sigh....................................
Shud run to class now. Ta!

(PS - background music - Mohe mohe tu rang de basanti)... (mujhe chai chahiye!!!)

Are you afraid?

Are you? Of the dark? Of strangers? Of the future? The unknown? Of terrible secrets? Of huge responsibilities? Of lonely nights? Of death? Or of living?
Are you scared of going mad? Of growing old and tired? Of never knowing? Or knowing too much?
Of sharing? Of needing too much? Of heaven? Of hell? Of the water? Or the sky?Of colours? Of winds?
Of ghosts? Of witches? Of people? Of the Devil? Of the God?.....
Are you afraid of yourself?
Well, are you?

How do you know?

Does anybody know when it's really right? And how do you know? Are there signs? Fireworks? Is it right when it feels comfortable or is comfortable a sign that there aren't any fireworks? Is hesitation a sign that it its not right, or its just a sign that you are not ready?... Sometimes the question is how do you know when its not right?

May be there are no right moments, right guys, right answers. May be you just have to say what's in your heart!

( Not my words obviously, nor my thoughts... Just something you might ponder to katofy time)

In search of...

Why?

Why is that even when we have so many thing we keep cribbing about things we don't have? Why are we never satisfied? "I wish I had those kinda shoes... all my friends have it, why not me? I wish... Oh! how I wish thing were different!" Why do we keep yearning for things we don't have? Why do we compare with others? And why does it take the loss of something precious to realise its importance?

Lage raho...

Yum yum yum...

A Twist in the Tail

Shades of Pink









Going straight...
trying to... but in vain

Need I say more?

Roomie business :((

I had two roomies to begin with... One was killed. The other disappeared. I was happy. But then the other (the two-in-one variety) reappeared the other day. And somehow managed to get itself electrocuted. Didn't realise it was no more till it started turning grey yesterday. Now its turning black too. Ewww. I want to just run away. Wish someone will come and perform its last rites... or at least remove it away. I cant....

Oh but may be I'm not so alone after all, yesterday another friendly neighbourhood lizard paid me a visit. It just one-in-one, and brown. And looks blind... At least its blind and deaf as to where I'm concerned... It obeys Raj's commands. What can I say, some people are just invincible, while others invisible....

(The final remnants... 2 days later)

Roommates!

I have room-mates... A huge two-in-one lizard... and termites... They are the ideal kinda room-mates. No noise, no nakhra... one wouldn't even notice them there. But well, what can I say, I've had a single room for almost a year now, lost practice of sharing... They don't bother me too much. But please, can I have my room back please??? Pretty-please?

Bridging the Gap

It's not Distance that pulls you apart. Its the Differences. Small ones don't really matter, they'll always be there. What's the fun without them? But when the differences come in the very way you think, when the very principles of your life on suddenly take a u-turn, its a real rocky journey thereon. People change over time; but how drastic a change defines whether you sail or sink. You cant change the world. You might drown, even willingly may be.


Sometimes it's just not worth it... But sometimes you have to take the chance...

Who am I?

I'm the darkness in the light
I'm the leftness in the right
I'm the rightness in the wrong
I'm the shortness in the long
I'm the goodness in the bad
I'm the saneness in the mad
I'm the sadness in the joy
I'm the gin in the gin-soaked boy

I'm the world you'll never see
I'm the slave you'll never free
I'm the truth you'll never know
I'm the place you'll never go
I'm the sound you'll never hear
I'm the course you'll never steer
I'm the will you'll not destroy
I'm the gin in the gin-soaked boy

I'm the tiger's empty cage
I'm the mystery's final page
I'm the stranger's lonely glance
I'm the hero's only chance
I'm the half-truth in the lie
I'm the why not in the why
I'm the last roll of the die.
I'm the spirit in the sky.
Well,
Who am I?

--------------------------
(Lyrics - Gin soaked boy)

Of tigers and monkeys and infinite loops

Yesterday night I got up in the middle... Couldn't sleep properly... Reason being my dream was stuck in an infinite loop...My dream was some kind of a code, it was all returning me the same vector, over and over again...

See the story, as i remember, goes like this. How I reached at this point, I have no idea.

There was some tiger attack in my dream… and leopards were there too. The leopards lived on the top floor. They were not attacking - peaceful creatures they were...but very private, didn’t allow me to enter their territory. I was stuck on the staircase in a building with a leopard guarding its territory at the top, and tiger attacking from downstairs… and I was with a whole bunch of terrified monkeys... Big ones, small ones, babies with mothers... all shivering, quivering, and chattering non-stop. Thats it. I kept on running up and down, between the tiger and the leopard, swimming through a sea of monkeys...
Wonder what the end might have been. Would I have been gobbled up? Or would some monkey come to my rescue?

I'd rather be anything but ordinary

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out

Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

Let down your defenses
Use no common sense
If you look you will see
That this world is a beautiful, accident,
turbulent, succulent, opulent,
permanent, no way
I wanna taste it
Don't wanna waste it away

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak my self out
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

You're my friend because...

Because,

whenever we're together, i feel good,

no matter where we are,

no matter what we're doing.

Because you know the real me,

the me I sometimes don't let others see..

and you like me just the way I am.

Because you are there when I need you

even before I know I do,

because you believe in me,

even more than I believe in myself.